Shondra & Shylo

A perfectly healed person probably doesn’t wake up at 2:00 AM for no good reason.

She probably doesn’t get out of bed 2 hours later and have a cup of coffee.

She definitely doesn’t drink twice the amount of coffee that she would have on a normal day. Or, eat a leftover pastry. All before 5:00 AM.

What does the perfectly healed person do?

She would, first of all, sleep 8 hours. Soundly. She would not have to get up to urinate. She would not start sneezing repeatedly and have to quietly blow her nose next to her sleeping spouse. 

She would wake up, just before her alarm. She would open the window and, a la Cinderella, say good morning to the birds, who would likely come perch on her finger and they would sing a sweet duet together. Obviously she doesn’t have screens in her windows. Screens are for the unhealed, imperfect humans who haven’t developed strong boundaries with insects.

I feel like she needs a name. Like Beyonce’s Sasha Fierce. But, my alter ego is this Cinderella-esque gal. She can find joy in sweeping the hearth and loving the unloveable.

I’m feeling Shondra. That’s her name. She is calm and serene and lives in a state of pure oneness. She is friends with her demons and doesn’t need window screens. She doesn’t mind that her name is mispronounced every time. Every. Time. 

So, Shondra, I call on you today. Inhabit my tired, perimenopausal, coffee-hyped body. Help me to not judge myself or my demons.

Help me to find peace in a day of fear and anxiety. Help me to know that fear and anxiety are a part of life I don’t want to miss.

Because, today, my dog Zia is having surgery. And, I don’t know if surgery is the right choice. But, it is the choice we’ve made. We are doing our best for her. Trying to support her and value her and take good care of her. Is surgery for a dog okay? Do they understand that the pain is a step on the pathway of healing? Of getting back to good? Is it selfish of humans to make dogs undergo surgery and recovery?

Maybe my dog needs an alter ego, too. One who is wise and serene. One who understands that we are just trying our best. One who knows that pain, heartache, and love are a precious part of life. Let’s call her Shylo.

Maybe Jolee and Zia are feeling doubt. Uncertainty. Questioning.

But Shondra and Shylo. They, like always, understand.

We are not perfect. But, we are willing to show up and try.